Thursday, October 8, 2009
Jess' Story part 3
Manhattan serial rapist k-state So Life was good.
Summer school was going to be over in three weeks and Jess would have an opportunity to have a few weeks of relaxation, a real summer break. She had a warm feeling after the family visit, and all was well in Manhattan.
The evening was beautiful.
The noise from those gathered at the apartment pool provided a summery atmosphere as she worked on her apartment--cleaning, organizing, putting away groceries and laundry. At 1:00 a.m. she was exhausted, but pleased with all the work she'd accomplished.
It felt so nice to be home.
"I just loved my room--a beautiful room."
Jess' roommate was away for the summer, which was OK.
"I felt safe--I was never the type to be afraid at night, like, I never needed a night light."
She went to bed and remembers thinking,
"I need to get to sleep.
I remember my music was still playing; I was thinking it was late, I was so exhausted--I had to get up in the morning early. I could still hear all the people outside, down by the pool. Finally, I guess I fell asleep."
She was deep in sleep when she woke to the horrifying realization that someone was in her room. “There was this feeling in my stomach, something’s not right.”
Before we go further, I want to give you some of Jess' current thoughts.
Because- while there is a time during and following trauma events when one is Enveloped by fear and suffering, most individuals move through this terrible sadness and into a deeper wisdom and health.
And it is important (before speaking about the trauma and aftermath)
for me to tell you--for you to know -Now-
that Jess is fine.
"From day one,
I told myself that there was nothing I could've done differently that would've caused this not to happen. Therefore I have no regrets....that is how I have made it through this experience and healed myself.
So many girls get raped and are embarrassed/mad/angry because they blame themselves
and for me there was no reason to blame myself.
I didn't do anything wrong.
I hadn't made bad decisions. This is just a terrible thing that happened to me and the only thing I can do is try to move on and hope that it never happens to another girl. I was at my house in my bed with my doors locked and this terrible thing happened.
One way this experience affected me at first-- I moved into a place with roommates and would never stay there alone. But, within 2 years of the rape I overcame my fear and was able to live by myself (in another town).
But, there is definitely not a day that goes by that I don't think about him. The memories effect me daily and I can't wait until the day that he faces justice. That is when I will truly be able to move on with my life."