Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Rape, and False Rape Reports, Hurt Everyone

This story hit the UK press yesterday:  http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/news/scottish-news/2010/03/30/i-will-never-recover-victim-of-false-rape-claim-reveals-year-of-hell-behind-bars-with-sex-beasts-86908-22148179/

This is a case of a man --only 22 years old--spending a significant amount of time--one year-- in jail while awaiting his trial. The jury found him not guilty in one hour. He apparently suffered great violence while in prison.
Here are the words of the man, who appears to have been the victim of a terrible injustice:

 "Being falsely accused of rape is every guy's worst nightmare.
"Then to be thrown in jail for a year with real sex beasts almost pushed me over the edge.
"I will never recover from being treated as a monster and being beaten and abused behind bars. It was the worst year of my life and I am lucky to have survived.
"I will never forgive that woman for what she has done to me. Her lies have destroyed me but she doesn't give a damn."
Upset and shaking as he recalled the nightmare ordeal that will haunt him for the rest of his life, Jason added: "Women who make up rape allegations not only ruin the lives of the guys who are wrongly accused, they are doing a huge injustice to genuine victims.

"It is difficult enough for victims to get rapists into court and get convictions without women like her making things up. It is unforgivable.
"I have great respect for women and I am very close to my mum and gran, who mean the world to me.
"They never doubted I was innocent and neither did my work, who supported me through it.

"I was there for a year and spent every day with some of the worst sex beasts you could imagine. I will never get over it. I even tried to take my own life because it was unbearable.

"I just thank God I had the support of my family and my work or I wouldn't be here today.

"When I was first arrested and the police told me what I was alleged to have done I was physically sick. I couldn't believe anyone could be so cruel and sadistic as to have made all that up."

"I still cannot take it in. I have never been accused of anything like this in my life.

"I have a real problem with trusting people now and it has made me scared of women. I am going for counselling.
"I hardly knew this woman who accused me of raping her but she has ruined my life.
"For an innocent man to be branded a rapist is the worst thing that could ever happen to anyone.

Many thoughts after reading this news story.
Primarily,
I hope the man is able to move through the trauma and use his experience to help others.

1. First, how agonizing; every day i read a story or two about this or that which i am sure will kill me-beyond  pathos, we are speaking of such inhumanity and selfish violence it feels truly unbearable. For me, compassion for the loved ones is greatest- that a mother or sister, a brother or God Forbid my own Grandmother would have to endure such onslaught--unbearable.

2.  If you read details about the prison this guy was in, you can see the grotesque nature of the prison system when at its worst. And-- having his victimization magnified by violent men is beyond comprehension. The violence humans are able to inflict on one another, and on every species! can be studied, researched, and attempts at treatments made, but in the end, evil is incomprehensible.

3.  To learn and understand one another, let's look at his statements. he says, "For an innocent man to be branded a rapist is the worst thing that could ever happen to anyone." Why is that? I think it important for men to ask, Why is that? What is it about rape that makes it so shameful and degrading? To thugs and criminals in jail even? The men in prison punished him--Why were they bent on punishing this man?

4. He says,  "Then to be thrown in jail for a year with real sex beasts almost pushed me over the edge." "I will never recover from being treated as a monster and being beaten and abused behind bars. It was the worst year of my life and I am lucky to have survived."
Two points: The meaning of  real "sex beasts"? His words reiterate that we have a serious problem in our societies today. We apparently have a significant  portion of the population who are really entrenched in the violations of others using sexual behavior as a weapon. He calls themn BEASTS. I think this is an important point to make, as many folks still believe that rapists, pedophiles, and other violent individuals are quite rare. Until we address the fact that they are here, there, and everywhere, we continue to have unsuspecting victims and lack of education about the problem.   "I will never recover from being treated as a monster and being beaten and abused behind bars"--SO-- I would like to know people's thoughts on why men do this to other men. Why was he treated this way in prison by other men? I have my own theories and have read some, but this is a horrendous experience to have undergone--where should the research go on this one?

5. He states, "I will never forgive that woman for what she has done to me. Her lies have destroyed me but she doesn't give a damn."  and ,  "I have a real problem with trusting people now and it has made me scared of women. I am going for counselling. "I hardly knew this woman who accused me of raping her but she has ruined my life." 
 I see this concept of feeling "destroyed" being repeated over and over by women treated for sexual assault trauma. I hear then say how they cannot help but generalize, and that they fear or mistrust all men. I think this reiterates the point i made previously that the behavior of sociopaths has similar effects on others, no matter whether male or female, or how their selfishness is manifested. I know rape victims who "hardly knew" their attacker, but are left struggling with anxiety and depression as they see him getting married, moving on, not "giving a damn" about the trauma he left behind.

6. He further states, "Women who make up rape allegations not only ruin the lives of the guys who are wrongly accused, they are doing a huge injustice to genuine victims. "It is difficult enough for victims to get rapists into court and get convictions without women like her making things up. It is unforgivable."
Correct on every level. Crimes of violence, of betrayal and deception ruin lives, at least for a long time.
And his points about the criminal justice system and rape victims are equally true: It is very hard to get courts to take cases to begin with, as evidence is different than evidence in most criminal cases (elements of the crime are in fact legal under the right circumstances) and it is extremely difficult to get convictions because of this.

7. Lastly, "When I was first arrested and the police told me what I was alleged to have done I was physically sick. I couldn't believe anyone could be so cruel and sadistic as to have made all that up." This was a stark reminder to me of what i have heard from friends and family of those women who have been tied up, beaten, and raped anally, orally, and vaginally. They were overwhelmed by the criminal's need to hurt, belittle, degrade.  Many parents or husbands vomit after hearing about the assaults on those they love. They are unable to understand how this level of betrayal can be right here, among folks who seem like normal humans


The seriousness of this article,
which shows the heaviness of the consequenses of criminal selfishness, psychological and physical violence, and betrayal -- should be enough to allow all those who work for justice and the right to lead an unmolested life to try to contribute understanding to one another rather than adding more violence.

I bring this last point up because there have been some bad words exchanged between commenters on the False Rape Blog and the BeAGoodDogBlog. It pains me that folks jump to conclusions and do not try to find any common ground. When I hear from FRS, "We do not Condone Rape"-- uh, that does sound weak to me and i understand why crime victims feel that the gravity of their "ruined lives" is not understood. Just as men who have been falsely accused of this crime detest hearing that "there is no such thing" as a false report and feel the gravity of destroyed families and reputations is ignored.
Let's face it--there is a lot of trouble and bad intention in the world, and my question is, do you want to work to alleviate the pain and problems, or add to the anger and misery? Words on a page can hurt as much as a kick in the stomach. I suggest "getting it out of your system" in a less hurful way than rantings.

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