Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Blaming the Rapist

In response to the victim-blaming in some classses here lately (and on the internets) two comments-- (copied below) from the nets, which will inspire me to write an entire pamphlet for men and women who for some reason do not blame the rapist for raping women;
that is,
the Crime belongs to the criminal.
i don't care if it is a drug addled, naked, stinking drunk crackwhore walking down aggieville with a "hurt me" sign nailed into her back:
if YOU decide to go commit a felony, DON'T Blame HER!
another person's behavior has nothing to do with your decision to commit an indecent, immoral, illegal, and shameful act.
what if she was 12 years old? what if he had a mental disorder or was a homeless little five year old?
Where does a person draw the line? why take away the personal Sovereignty of another? why be a selfish cad on purpose!!

from "amy's advice:"
"Now, I'm not blaming the rapist or anything, but he did make several HUGE mistakes that night that could have decreased his chances of raping someone. First, he went to a party, where he knew there were going to be women who had been drinking. Second, he led one of those women to believe that he wouldn't rape her, and last, once he was alone with her he chose to go against her wishes and raped her anyway.

It's only natural for young women to go out and get drunk at parties; you'll never be able to stop all of them. So it's very bad judgment for any man to go to a party if he thinks he might be capable of raping someone while there. We need to focus on teaching men what they can do to avoid assaulting anyone.
I know it's hard to tell young men that all women are potential victims and that therefore they should stay away from all of them, but that's the price you have to pay to stay safe. Most women out there are perfectly capable of taking care of themselves, but it's the few who might be led to trust you that you have to watch out for. Since there is no way to distinguish between the women who won't and the women who will trust you, you just need to avoid them all.
I understand that believing there was nothing he could have done can help a rapist to feel better about himself; the fact is, that if he'd taken better precautions, he could have walked away a non-rapist.
Sexual Assault Prevention Tips Guaranteed to Work!
1. Don’t put drugs in people’s drinks in order to control their behavior.
2. When you see someone walking by themselves, leave them alone!
3. If you pull over to help someone with car problems, remember not to assault them!
4. NEVER open an unlocked door or window uninvited.
5. If you are in an elevator and someone else gets in, DON’T ASSAULT THEM!
6. Remember, people go to laundry to do their laundry, do not attempt to molest someone who is alone in a laundry room.
7. USE THE BUDDY SYSTEM! If you are not able to stop yourself from assaulting people, ask a friend to stay with you while you are in public.
8. Always be honest with people! Don’t pretend to be a caring friend in order to gain the trust of someone you want to assault. Consider telling them you plan to assault them. If you don’t communicate your intentions, the other person may take that as a sign that you do not plan to rape them.
9. Don’t forget: you can’t have sex with someone unless they are awake!
10. Carry a whistle! If you are worried you might assault someone “on accident” you can hand it to the person you are with, so they can blow it if you do.
And, ALWAYS REMEMBER: if you didn’t ask permission, and respect the answer the first time, you are giving MEN a bad name. Stop doing that!.

finally let me print once more,

Be A True Lakota Man. (slightly edited) Speak Out About Rape George Twiss Management Team Cangleska, Inc.

RAPE is a violent, selfish, degrading, and illegal act. As a man, if your sister, mother, daughter, girlfriend, wife, niece, aunt, friend, co-worker, grandmother, daughter/niece of a friend, or close acquaintance is RAPED, you feel anger and compassion. As a Lakota man, the RAPE of any woman should bring about the same feelings. As a Lakota man, you should be working to make sure this problem in our communities is taken seriously by police and the Court. You should take a stance to protect our women from some of us who have no respect for the sacredness of women and their rights to the security of their own bodies. I challenge you to take that stand and have the courage to tell those of your brothers who need to be reminded that RAPE is not right and not the way of our people. RAPE is a weapon that has been used against our women. It is not our way. For those who make inappropriate jokes about RAPE or feel that a woman is responsible for what happens to her, tell them that no woman asks to be RAPED. Remind them thatWE AS MEN CAN MAKE WOMEN SAFE FROM RAPE BY DOING THE FOLLOWING:
If a woman is drunk, don't rape her.
If a woman is walking alone at night, don't rape her.
If a woman is drugged and unconscious, don't rape her.
If a woman is wearing a short skirt or shorts, don't rape her.
If a woman is jogging in a park at 5 a.m., don't rape her.
If a woman looks like your ex-girlfriend you're still hung up on, don't rape her.
If a woman is asleep in her bed, don't rape her.
If a woman is asleep in your bed, don't rape her.
If a woman is doing her laundry, don't rape her.
If a woman is in a coma, don't rape her.
If a woman changes her mind in the middle of petting or sex, don't rape her.
If a woman has repeatedly refused a certain activity, don't rape her.
If a woman is not yet a woman, but a child, don't rape her.
If your girlfriend or wife is not in the mood, don't rape her.
If your step-daughter is watching TV, don't rape her.
If you break into a house and find a woman there, don't rape her.
If a woman smiles at you and walks out with you at the powwow, don’t rape her.
If you find a woman broke down along the highway, don’t rape her.
If your friend thinks it's okay to rape someone, tell him it's not, and he's not your
If your friend tells you he raped someone, report him to the police.
If your friend or relative at the party tells you there's an unconscious woman upstairs
and it's your turn, don't rape her. Call the police and tell the guy he's a rapist.
Tell your sons, god-sons, nephews, grandsons, and sons of friends, it's not okay to RAPE. Don't imply that the woman could have avoided rape if only she'd done or not done something. Don't imply that it was in any way her fault. Don't be silent when he boasts he "got some" while she was passed out. Don't perpetuate a culture that tells you that men who RAPE have no control over or responsibility for their actions.
Be A True Lakota Man. (slightly edited) Speak Out About Rape George Twiss Management Team Cangleska, Inc.


  1. As the father of a daughter, I certainly do not want any type of sexual assault on anyone. However, to say that women aren't partially at fault is having a blind eye for the truth. Mutual respect or no respect.

  2. Thanks for that comment. We try to make women (and men and children) aware of the dangers and urge them to take steps to avoid them. Research shows that taking safety steps does indeed lower the risk of assault. I myself am saddened at the behaviors now being taught/accepted as ok in our society- and often by parents. how many are teaching a certain honor, purity, chastity in mind and body, for example? How many allow their young daughters and sons to emphasize their selfish, vain, violent, or sexual aspects (of the 9 or 10 or 14 year old) for example, versus surrounding them with factors focusing on staying on trajectory of less superficial aspects--intellect, compassion, sacrifice for others? I see boys oogling girls in church because of the skimpy clothing their parents allow them to wear. pre-teen cleavage and see-through skirts to church to what end? How many parents tell their sons pornography is shameful and degrading? how many train sons how to turn away from licentious attitudes towards women? Let alone the violence paired with sexuality every day in a teenagers life ? or have parents given in to No morality in order to fit in or be liked by their children or because they do not practice what they want to preach?
    [If we offer condoms and bc pills in Middle School, fu'cryin' out loud, why not guns and shooting lessons for protection?]
    the crime belongs to the criminal. always. if we have fraternity houses in which we EXPECT to have rapes occurring, should they not be shut down on campuses? I will say that many women do learn the lesson the hard way- do not trust. do not believe. do not make assumptions, do not lose control due to alcohol. i only wish they learned that lesson because they ruined a blouse, or lost some money, or failed a test, and not becasue a so called friend decided to foist criminal behavior on them. i know it is a chicken or egg problem in a way- i want to look at the broader picture and in the meantime, women must not expect a safe society. but- one last point- i see so many women--
    the majority--
    who CANNOT be said by any stretch of anyone's imagination to have ANY "fault" -- they were minding their own business, they were not dressed provocatively,(although a non-rapist is not going to rape someone because of what they are wearing or because they brushed their teeth)--they were drugged or forced or tricked. By people they knew. How can you protect against that?
    may i ask about your comment-- "women are at least partially at fault" for what?- i mean, which part of the rape is she at fault for? thanks for your answer.