Thursday, August 12, 2010

How Do You Talk to a Sly, Bullying, Selfish Thug?? (Vigilante Justice?) Oh, How do you talk to a rapist?

Well in the past many months and now years i have met with the parents, sisters, husbands, brothers, children, girlfriends, and boyfriends of crime victims.
We all have some things in common.

We have a lot of Anger.
Underneath our anger is Hurt.
There is also Confusion.
    [Particularly with the Fathers--a  Bewilderment, Incomprehension, almost a Panic-- --"if the big Monstrous thug who raped my daughter is not going to be arrested; if he has raped before and will rape again; if he hurt my sweet wonderful tender child [who never hurt anyone in her entire life] in a way which really Wounded her down to her CORE---am i Required by a Humanistic Moral Code to go Teach him to within one inch of his life not to be a selfish beast with no regard for gentle kind young women? Am I actually being remiss as a parent if I do not Band the Capacity to rape out of him?    I know banding is unnecessarily tortuous to animals- I would never do it to my own animals-but a rapist is not an animal; a rapist has made a conscious decision, has planned, has worked it out, has gotten pleasure out of stealing something which was Never his and never would be his; has taken pleasure out of deeply hurting someone who trusted him; has lied and is lying to the world every day he does not turn himself into his Coach, his Teacher, his Father, and say, "I have a huge problem: I am selfish and violent, I hurt people, I am not a good guy.'
   Here is my daughter, so fresh and funny; she was a giggler as a child; she made us all laugh ourselves to tears as she grew taller. She baked cookies for me on Father's day. SHE BAKED COOKIES FOR ME ON FATHER'S DAY! Am I really supposed to let this grown up man force himself onto my daughter with no Answer?
  Here is my sweetest child--she overcame her fear of the deep end of the pool and jumped in because I was there to catch her. She trusted me. Am I really meant to let this criminal, this thief, this predator, this punk college boy who thinks he is the Top Dog (his territorial pissings spread from girl to girl) simply walk away? How can I bear this?"

We have a lot of Anger. Anger that we do not have a system that is effective in prosecuting sneaky, low, cowardly slime.

Underneath our anger is Hurt. Hurt that the lovely trust and happiness, the beautiful innocence and the natural thinking that people are good, inherent in our young children, has now been DEMOLISHED.  

Tell me, how does one talk to a Rapist?
 What shall a Mother say?

listen and watch: HERE are
the Parents of a young woman
-- who was assaulted and killed--
Confronting the Convicted Murderer in court.
 See how he reacts sociopathically.

What does a Father say to the Man who Raped his daughter?

"Please, for your sake, troubled sir, turn yourself in. Let us get you some help."

"In order for my life to continue, I need you to go to the police and say, 'I need help. I am a bully, a thug, and I take away other people's rights'."

"Being a religious man, and as the father of your victim, I need to tell you a couple things. You are going to have to pay for this unjust act. You can pay now if you want. You simply go to your Coach, your Father, a Policeman, your Mother, a clergy, and you say,
 'I want to turn myself in. I have committed a felony- many actually, and I want to make amends.'
 You take whatever punishment the courts will give you. You make amends. You find a counselor and you get some treatment for your "issues" which have given you these feelings of inferiority, of bullishness. You tell them about your need to feel better by hurting someone else.
Because if you do not pay now, you will pay later.
But the payment then will be so very High.
Do you really think that a Universe full of Good things
will allow such malignancy to go unnoticed?
take this advice as a kindness. I myself will not give you your justice. I value my Daughter too much to dishonor her. I honor my family by passing on vigilantism.
Your Justice is Waiting for you.
You can be an Honorable Man and face the Truth, your Justice, Right Now.
Or you can wait, and continue to trick others and dishonor yourself. But everything will be exposed in the Light One Day. The interest is building on your debt. Pay it now! Then be free.
I myself will put all the fierce energy of my anger, my hurt, my confusion, into creating a good and gentle space for my family to grieve, then celebrate our love and kindness to each other.

I would not want to be in your shoes when your debt comes due.


  1. I can't tell how serious you are but there is no help for most rapists. I understand why any decent man wants to beat his daughters rapist to a bloody pulp.

  2. I am a very serious minded person. The research suggests you are correct-- there is little help for most rapists.
    Little justice as well. That Justice must be consigned into the hands of the Almightly or one will be morose and useless for the remainder of life. Too many need help, there is work to be done. A broken heart for lack of justice is one thing- a Broken Heart in empathy with the suffering of the daughter or friend or love is another. That heartbreak also must be consigned. ...and ...only further suffering for the loved one ensues with retaliation violence. now they're all out of control! a victim's nightmare. the father's (and mamagrizzley's is the most terrible of dilemmas.